In today’s fast-paced society, the question “How are you?” often feels more like a formality than a genuine inquiry. The answers we give are typically pre-packaged: “I’m fine,” “Good,” or the ever-popular “Busy.” But what if we paused to consider the real answer? What if we embraced vulnerability and allowed ourselves to respond truthfully?
The Lost Art of Genuine Connection
We’ve become conditioned to gloss over our true emotions. Imagine your barista telling you about their bad day or a grocery clerk sharing their excitement over a recent milestone after asking “How are you?” It would likely catch you off guard. This social script—the expectation of polite, surface-level exchanges—prevents deeper connection and, ultimately, a better understanding of ourselves and others.
This past year we have challenged our church to rethink how we respond to this simple question. My church’s focus on emotional honesty over the past year has encouraged me to acknowledge my feelings as God-given signals. This practice has not only deepened my relationships but also helped me process life’s challenges more effectively.
The Power of Honest Answers
As I’ve begun responding honestly, saying, “I’m not doing well” during difficult times, I’ve noticed something surprising. People often react with deep concern, which has shown me how unaccustomed we are to hearing real answers. I expected people to care, especially within the church but people becoming very concerned as I go through what I find to be a normal season of hardship. This disconnect reflects how years of surface-level communication have skewed our expectations.
If we were more honest, how often would our answers veer away from “fine” or “good”? Life isn’t always smooth sailing, and acknowledging this truth can lead to greater authenticity and healing.
Seasons of Life: Embracing the Valleys
I love backpacking. There is just something so magical and healing to my soul when I find myself miles away from civilization under human power with everything I need on my back. A few years back I was planning a backpacking trip and the trail seemed to go back down immediately after reaching a high point, not only is this going to lead to some exhausting hiking but the best views are up high. I was reviewing the map to see if there was a way I could stay up high in the mountains, but I needed to go to valleys to find water for each day. As I was routing that trip God spoke to me and said “without the sustenance of the valleys, you cannot enjoy the mountaintops.”
“Without the sustenance of the valleys, you cannot enjoy the mountaintops.”
Life’s ups and downs are not only inevitable but also deeply biblical. Solomon who is considered the wisest man who has ever lived in Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us: “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” Solomon continues to explain that these seasons include contrasts—laughter and tears, birth and death, love and hate—all essential parts of the human experience.
Jesus himself experienced trials and promised we would too. He offers both a warning and reassurance:
“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” – Jesus
Even David, in Psalm 23, discussed these season of hardship referencing thing like :through the darkest valley” and “in the presence of my enemy.” I have found a lot of comfort from David’s words in this Psalm. I have been taken comfort specifically in verse 5 which states: “You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.”
This psalm paints a vivid picture of God’s care, preparing a feast for us in the presence of our enemies. It’s a reminder that even in the valley, God is working, providing, and sustaining us.
Redefining the Feast
The idea of a feast in Psalm 23 is profound. It’s not a quick fix or a sign that the hard season is over. Instead, it’s a deliberate act of nourishment and celebration in the midst of difficulty. Preparing a feast takes time and effort, symbolizing that God’s provision is intentional and abundant. This is not a hiking picnic of PB&J, but the most glorious feast you can imagine. That type of feast is not made in a microwave, but the menu is prepared days if not weeks in advance. Only the best ingredients are gathered and prepared. Meticulously cooked to perfection and then arranged on a table in front of your enemies.
Yet, we often mistake the feast for the end of the valley. That sustenance can be such a relief that when we get up from the table, we are sure we are out of the valley. But when we find ourselves still surrounded by challenges, we may feel disappointment rather than gratitude. Recognizing the feast for what it is—a source of strength and encouragement—can transform our perspective. Do not be discouraged by the presence of your enemies. God is not discouraged.
Let this be a reminder that God is not in a hurry to get you out of the valley. He is not concerned about getting you out of the hard season, but growing you in the hard season. Enjoy the feast, do not rush the process and see where he wants you to grow.
A side note for helping others in their hard seasons
If God is not concerned with rushing people through a hard season, we should not hurry people out of the season. Sometimes our discomfort of seeing other people in a hard season leads us to try and hurry along the process, which is often not what God is doing. In the Bible we find the story of Job who is in a horrible season and his friends come and sit with him for 7 days, participating in Job’s hard season. Later they tried to give him advice and lead him out of the season before God was ready and they were rebuked for it.
Next time you are with a friend in a hard season maybe just make a physical feast for them. Sit with them and remind them of what God is offering them in this season and sit with them in the presence of their enemies.
Facing Our Enemies
The “enemies” in our lives can take many forms: people who oppose us, circumstances that challenge us, or even our own thoughts and fears. But God’s invitation to sit at His table reminds us that we don’t have to fear these adversaries. God does not fear your enemies and He is with you. Instead, we can focus on His presence and provision.
Finding Joy in Hard Seasons
Paul and James both encourage us to view trials, these hard season, as a reason to rejoice.
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.” – Paul
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” – James
We should look at these seasons with joy because we know God is not done with us. He has led us into this season because he has something to teach us, something for us to grow in. Much like resistance training builds physical strength, life’s challenges strengthen our character and faith. These hard seasons, while painful, are necessary for growth and healing. I picture less body building, and more the resistance training used in physical therapy. The kind of resistance that exists to heal our bodies, but for our souls.
Instead of racing to get out of the valley, or distracting yourself from the season you are in, consider where in your life you need to grow.
Books I enjoyed on this topic:
A Shepherd looks at Psalm 23 – Phillip Keller
The Pursuit of Endurance – Jennifer Pharr David
Amazon Affiliate Links
How Are You, Really?
So, how are you? Truly? Life’s difficulties are a promised part of the journey, but they are also opportunities to draw closer to God, grow emotionally, and connect authentically with others. Next time someone asks, consider answering honestly. You might just find that vulnerability opens the door to deeper connection and healing.
Prayer
God, as hard as it is to accept and say, thank you for the hard seasons. Thank you for being a good shepherd and staying nearby as you lead me through the hard season. Help me enjoy the feast, to not focus on getting out of the season, but growing out of this season. Amen.