Life is full of emotional highs and lows, but each experience offers an opportunity to grow and deepen our connections—with others, ourselves, and God. In this post, we explore lessons on love, trust, and hurt from the story of Lazarus, offering practical insights into heartbreak, trust, betrayal, and belonging.
The Story of Lazarus: A Lesson in Love, Trust, and Hurt
In John 11, we meet Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha. Their story begins with heartbreak—a cry for help to Jesus as Lazarus lies gravely ill. But when Jesus delays and shows up after Lazarus dies, their trust in Him is tested and they experience many different emotions.
This poignant story offers more than a miraculous resurrection; it highlights the emotional journey we all face in life. Let’s unpack these lessons.
Heartbreak: The Cost of Love
Heartbreak is more than sadness—it’s the loss of love, the ache of giving your heart and watching part of it leave. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even rejection, heartbreak reminds us that love requires vulnerability. Mary, Martha, and those who had joined in mourning the loss of Lazarus were all experiencing heartbreak. When Jesus arrived and saw all the pain his heart was broken.
As Brené Brown aptly says,
“The brokenhearted are the bravest among us because they dared to love.”
How to Navigate Heartbreak:
- Allow Yourself to Grieve: Everyone’s timeline is different. Grieve fully and without shame.
- Seek Support: Share your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a counselor.
- Hold onto Hope: In the story of Lazarus, Jesus wept with Mary and Martha, showing that even in pain, He is present with us.
Trust: The Foundation of Connection
Trust is a risk, requiring us to make something valuable—our feelings, our secrets—vulnerable to someone else’s actions. It’s built on actions and choices, which can be remembered using the acronym BRAVING:
- Boundaries: Respect and communicate them clearly.
- Reliability: Do what you say you’ll do.
- Accountability: Own your mistakes and make amends.
- Vault: Keep confidences secure.
- Integrity: Choose courage over comfort and live out your values.
- Nonjudgment: Allow open, judgment-free communication.
- Generosity: Assume the best intentions in others.
Mary and Martha trusted Jesus deeply, sending for Him when Lazarus was ill. Yet His delay tested their faith and their trust. They both appeared to Jesus and said “If only you had been here.” Showing that they trusted him with a vulnerable piece of their heart and he did not respond in a way that they believed was correct.
How to Build Trust:
- Be consistent and reliable.
- Apologize and repair broken trust when needed.
- Extend grace to others as they navigate their own imperfections.
Betrayal: When Trust is Broken
When Jesus didn’t arrive in time to heal Lazarus, Mary’s cry—“Lord, if only you had been here”—echoes the pain of betrayal. Betrayal occurs when trust is violated, leaving us hurt and disoriented. Anytime trust is broken, when you opened your heart to someone and they mistreated the openness, we will find ourselves feeling betrayal.
I think we often have shown up before Jesus feeling betrayed. We have trusted him with our most inner secrets and desires and sometimes they don’t happen how we expected them too. In this case, we should have a heart like Martha who not only felt her real human emotions, (if only) but also knew that Jesus could do more than we are able.
Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask.” – John 11:21-22
How to Heal Betrayal:
- Acknowledge the Pain: Betrayal often brings anger, sadness, and shame. Recognize and validate your feelings.
- Communicate Honestly: If the relationship is worth repairing, discuss the betrayal with vulnerability and courage.
- Rebuild Slowly: Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort from both parties.
Defensiveness: Guarding a Fragile Self-Esteem
Defensiveness often arises when we feel attacked or criticized. While it’s natural to protect ourselves, it can harm relationships and block personal growth. Defensiveness keeps us from opening our heart in a way that builds connection with other people. Connection is something that is needed in every one of us.
How to Overcome Defensiveness:
- Pause and Reflect: Ask yourself, “Is this feedback about my value, or is it about my actions?”
- Open Your Palms: Literally or metaphorically, receive feedback with openness.
- Ground Your Confidence: Accept your imperfections without letting them define your worth.
Hurt: A Universal Emotion
“My feelings were hurt.” Simple words, yet hard to say. Hurt combines sadness and fear of further emotional wounds. It’s common in relationships but often avoided in conversations. Mary and Martha, on top of feeling betrayed, were hurt. How could Jesus leave their brother, his close friend, to die?
How to Address Emotional Hurt:
- Be honest about your feelings.
- Approach the person who hurt you with kindness and clarity.
- Learn to forgive, even if trust needs time to heal.
Invisibility: The Pain of Feeling Overlooked
One of the deepest human needs is to be seen, known, and valued. Feeling invisible (the opposite of those things) —whether in relationships, work, or society—can leave lasting emotional scars.
Jesus demonstrated the power of seeing others: healing the sick, comforting the overlooked, and inviting everyone into belonging. Not only does he see you when you feel invisible, but he invites us to see and love our neighbors to not leave anyone else feeling that way.
How to Combat Invisibility:
- Advocate for yourself and others in conversations and opportunities.
- Cultivate a community that values diverse perspectives.
- Remember that God sees you fully and loves you completely.
Loneliness: A Call for Connection
Loneliness isn’t just about being alone; it’s about lacking meaningful connection. Prolonged loneliness has profound effects on mental and physical health, increasing the risk of early mortality by 45%.
How to Build Meaningful Connections:
- Join Communities: Seek groups aligned with your interests or values.
- Prioritize Quality Over Quantity: A few deep relationships outweigh many superficial ones.
- Be Vulnerable: Open your heart to authentic, two-way relationships.
Belonging: The Remedy for Loneliness
True belonging comes from being valued for who you are—not for who you try to be. Fitting in requires conformity; belonging celebrates authenticity.
You were created to not only belong as a child of God, but to the family of God. The church embodies this belonging, offering a family where everyone is loved and accepted as they are. Unique in individual design yet whole when we come together.
How to Cultivate Belonging:
- Celebrate your unique God-given identity.
- Welcome others without expecting them to conform.
- Reflect God’s unconditional love in your interactions.
Conclusion: Finding Hope in Every Season
The story of Lazarus reminds us that even in heartbreak, betrayal, or loneliness, God is faithful. He sees us, loves us, and invites us into a family of belonging. Remember that God’s grace is sufficient for you. He works through our emotions to bring healing, growth, and connection.
Take the first step today: Open your heart, trust God, and build deeper connections with those around you.
Lets Pray
God, we thank you for showing us your faithfulness through our emotions. Thank you for seeing us when we are hurting, betrayed, broken, and invisible. For those us that need healing, come and heal us, and lead us to the right connections. For the rest of us, help us to be people who see those hurting and invisible and bring your healing in their time of need. Amen.